Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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