Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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