I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
