If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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