You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
