I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
