You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
