Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
