how can u be prego again
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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