I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
