We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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