Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
