he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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