the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
