Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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