Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
