Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
