i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
