I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
