She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
His nipple licking is glorious
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