Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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