well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
