Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
