At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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