last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
