I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They took my balls.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
