Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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