if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize