The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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