Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize