Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
