i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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