This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
