They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
