Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ugly people sure do ruin things
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
