I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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