I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
