quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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