I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
