Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
