well I can't set my house on fire every night
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
