He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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