Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
