We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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