My room smells like vodka and shame
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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