i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize