see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
