question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think i have two assholes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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