How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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