me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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