is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize