Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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