I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
