have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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