if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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