the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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