Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
