this boner is exhausting
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize