I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
