How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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