o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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