I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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