I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
