When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Randomize
