Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
