Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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