Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
