So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize